I am really very weak. I can't stop myself from thinking about it over again. What more do I have to lose. Seems like I've lost everything now. Though you're just beside me, I feel so distant from you. It's sad to think that all of these seven months are gone to waste. Thought you know me so well, but this time you got me wrong. Seven months or seven years, bonds are still created. You, I called my 'Sister'. I don't know if that still remain. And 'Twin', yeah we used to have alot in common. You said we could be like twins, moreover we're of the same age, only two months minus six days apart. We hoped so much that nothing would occur between us, but it slipped off our minds that same poles of two magnets repel. When you lost your bestfriend of six years, you cried so much, wanting her back. It's like she took half of you away. What about me. I let both of you in, you both took half of me each when you two left. Now I don't know who I am anymore. I had my smiles and laughter when I had my 'Sister' and 'Twin', now I'm so lifeless. All gone in just a blink. When you quarrelled with your sister, you had said "People make mistakes". If I really had done something wrong to any of you, I too can say that I make mistake. Everyone does, right? How unfair for me that you could defend yourself that way while I have to just swallow everything down my throat. How unfair is it that you didn't think of how I feel when I lost all of you whereas you know how it feels when you lost your bestfriend for no reason told to you. It's even more unfair that nobody told me anything or pointed out my mistake but just blaming me for something. It’s sad that none of you clarified with me. Things aren't the same now. I don't think I stand anywhere in the friendship, what more in your hearts. I miss all five of us hanging out till late. We'd go for dinner after school, after which we'd spent time joking around, staring at the clouds, and we'd lose track of time thus going home at almost midnight. We had enjoyed those times. Now, I believe that five is a crowd and I have to back off. I've cried every night, hoping that everything will turn out alright, hoping that everything will remain like it used to be. But I have to accept reality. I had told everyone that my life was perfect, but it's only because I had my bestfriends. My 'Sister' was everything to me. You stood by me through whatever. You took care of me so well. We'd do everything together. We had bought the similar necklaces and wore it together. I used to sleep on your shoulder while you're enjoying the long bus rides. I used to sleep on your laps when I got sleepy while we were slacking. I used to accompany you home though it was already late at night simply because I wanted to spend more time with you and share things with you like I had done all the time. We used to hold hands while walking, not being afraid people might think we're lesbian couple. We would poke each other randomly and tease each other. I would merajok with you at certain things and you'd do the same too but all that was merely jokes. We used to text each other everyday and go out together whenever we feel bored. Over the weekends, we would tell each other that we missed each other already and hoped Monday would come fast. We had planned to continue our Degree together and our Masters at USA, and even working together too. We both had made it seemed like our friendship would last. I miss you calling me ‘Sayang’, really. Back then, there were you, 'Twin' and me doing all the stupid stuffs. Both of you were also fantasizing my wedding. How perfect my life was. I couldn't ask for more, I was really contented. My life was very much of a fairytale. But I came to realise that now everything had shattered. The other time a classmate suddenly texted me blaming me for something that I didn't do and you guys were telling me she's all crap. Now, you guys are doing the same to me. I feel like I've lost everything. On Wednesday, I woke up in the morning, gasping for air. I couldn't breathe. At that instant, my 'Sister' crossed my mind first and second was 'Twin'. I thought if God had taken away my life, it wouldn’t make any difference to all of you. Yesterday when the truck almost collided with the cab I was in, I began to think that God is testing me. I want to have us all being back happily together, all five of us. But I'm weak, there are four of you while I'm by myself. I don’t know what I can do, but I need my two girls back. Now I’m afraid to let anyone else in. I’d rather be left alone than having their replacements. I've lost grip, I've even lost faith, and I've lost everything and anything at all. I've lost the best thing that had happened in my life.
I love you four, still.


I see your face in my mind as I drive away,
Cause none of us thought it was gonna end that way.
People are people and sometimes we change our minds.
But it’s killing me to see you go after all this time.

Music starts playin’ like the end of a sad movie,
It’s the kinda ending you don’t really wanna see.
Cause it’s tragedy and it’ll only bring you down,
Now I don’t know what to be without you around.

And we know it’s never simple never easy.
Never a clean break, no one here to save me.
You’re the only thing I know like the back of my hand,
And I can’t,
Breathe, without you,
But I have to,
Breathe, without you,
But I have to.

Never wanted this, never wanna see you hurt.
Every little bump in the road I tried to swerve.
But people are people,
And sometimes it doesn’t work out,
Nothing we say is gonna save us from the fall out.

And we know it’s never simple,
Never easy.
Never a clean break, no one here to save me.
You’re the only thing I know like the back of my hand,
And I can’t,
Breathe, without you,
But I have to,
Breathe, without you,
But I have to.

It’s two a.m.
Feelin’ like I just lost a friend.
Hope you know it’s not easy,
Easy for me.

It’s two a.m.
Feelin’ like I just lost a friend.
Hope you know this ain’t easy,
Easy for me.
And we know it’s never simple, never easy.
Never a clean break, no one here to save me.

I can’t,
Breathe, without you,
But I have to,
Breathe, without you,
But I have to.

Sorry.