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Izaalee's

“There are as many nights as days, and the one is just as long as the other in the year's course. Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word 'happy' would lose its meaning if it is not balanced by sadness.”
- Carl Gustav Jung



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December 13, 2009 @ 4:32 AM

My horoscope for today, December 13, says :
Your everyday concerns are the only ones that matter to you today, Pisces, and this may be because you are about to give up on love all together. This may be for a few reasons, and will hold true whether you are single or attached. First, you may feel you are not getting your daily due and attention you crave, but you may discover it is because you haven't really asked for what you truly want. So all you need to do is take a risk and ask, be polite and gentle about it. This is the kind of situation that has been brewing for some time, and you have thought about this person on a consistent basis. The only question that remains is, why are they still in your thoughts, and not in your life? It is you that must make this change, and you can do so very positively today

I'm surprised at how accurate Facebook's horoscope could get to. Then again, the encouragement from the horoscope is not enough for me to ask what I truly want. All these while, I've not done any progress because I'm just too afraid to. All I could do is just wait and keep silent, hoping I'd win this battle in the end. One thing for sure, I am not giving up.

"We are not the same persons this year as last; nor are those we love. It is a happy chance if we, changing, continue to love a changed person"
"The love that lasts the longest is the love that is never returned"

Lying down whilst staring blankly at the ceiling, around the empty walls and back to the ceiling, pondering on the two quotes above that I've stumbled upon. Emotions came crashing in, my heart's breaking. I admit, I fear of the unavoidable pre-destination. In fact, I fear of many other things. Change for an example. But what I fear most is being detached from a soul dear to me. Everything that happened, certainly contradicts one another. Words, especially. It's hard to love and miss someone whom you don't know anymore, but why put love for that person to a halt? We ought to continue praying that everything will turn out alright, no?

Keeping faith, staying strong. I fall, too many times now. I will then live in self deceit if I were to brag that I'm strong. I am struggling through this hurdles but the finishing line of this race seems so far away, beyond my sight even. It is said that "If you want a rainbow, you have to put up with the rain". What's the end product of this all? I've been praying hard that everything will turn out the way it was. I don't have the strength to pull myself together, let alone thinking everything will be fine.

Those preceded are not amendable. Let bygones be bygones. I'm now focusing on the solution. Yet I'm unsure if everything will go right. But I'm hoping it will. Yes I'm hoping it will. Amin.

***

I'm tired of being soft-hearted but problem is, being one is just me. How do I change that? How do I change myself so that no one would take advantage of me? I could vividly recall TY advising me that I should not always give in, but I just do not have the heart to say 'No' or to tell a person off whenever I'm unhappy with their attitudes towards me. All I do and have been doing is just swallowing everything down my throat, accept what's thrown to me and forgive. Yes, I forgive easily. Is that where I've gone wrong? Amazing thing is, fingers are now pointing to me for I-dont-know-what-Ive-caused. I even have people coming to me when they need money/companion, and then push me aside whenever they wish. If this is some sort of showing appreciation, I no longer see the point of being nice anymore.

Then again, I can't change who I am, can I?

***




Enough said.